It was I

It was I,
and not my mind.

To slave away to a treacherous master
was not in my will.
And so, shoot I, I did,
like a soldier in pride.
And even though I was never a soldier
or have never been in a war,
I now know, in times of defeat,
a bullet to a self is how you escape
from a prisoner camp, and
from shame and chains;
a bullet to a self is how you walk into
the arms of — freedom.

I shall shoot myself if I could
and I shall make a claim:

It was I,
and not my mind.

Neal Ym (Phalguni Y)
December 21, 2016

Subconscious sea

I close my eyes to take a sigh and dive into the minds of people,
to swim in the tangles of a deep dark ocean;
to close my eyes and float deep down
into all caves and corners of our souls,
to touch a sleeping monster and to stay awhile
watching the frantic ones banging their cage doors,
to leave a seaweed by their doors;
and to the depths from where the jellyfish come,
lighting up the scars, drawing up the contours of a world beyond,
I dive into further beyond to find a child curled up
in a hiccup, shivering on the ocean floor
and there I was amongst the wreckage of brave sailors and explorers
reaching out my hand to a child;
but alas, I open my eyes and all things fade into light,
and there she was before me standing in a smile
with magic miracles in her eyes
for me to give her a last kiss on her head
before I leave for the heavens to my death.

Neal Ym (Phalguni Y)
April 5, 2017